Wrinkly old men disgust me
Not as turned on by older men now. At least not a very wide age gap.
I don't have to resort to attracting these desperate 'ah peks'. I am content with what I have and where I am.
Why would I be interested in wrinkly old men who are well-to-do but probably out there, with ill intentions, ogling at vulnerable sweet little things to cheat? O God, why are men born to be shallow? Putting women's other "assets" of more importance.
"Friends with benefits" (companionship, someone else would use). Whatever sort of benefit that is, I can live without. So what if they have the 5Cs? What's the amount of money I could save on transport/food/entertainment compared to my dignity? Yes I long to lead a comfortable life but who doesn't? I am definitely not as shallow as those golddiggers who have no self respect. Well women are stronger nowadays, except for the weaker few who tainted the rest of us girls' names. I have always believed in self-dependence and staying down-to-earth. There is never a shortcut to everything.
He thinks I am more concerned with material things than having deep, meaningful, emotionally-connected and non financial/physical-based relationship. (Think men hear this all the time from women. But of course we have some of that animal attraction too.) And he believes in mutual providence. He gives to get what he wants, generally to satisfy him, make me feel contented to please himself indirectly, putting himself above all rest. Literally, it was a make-believe. Anyone who isn't as strong-minded are going to get broken. Touches you with sweet gestures but leave you desolated with his empty talks. I am glad I came to my senses early cause that wasn't the life I want to live. Absolutely too good to believe. The whole episode puzzled me all this while. Short, abrupt, out of nowhere. But I knew how the ending would turn out from the beginning. As soon as how it had started.
One night I was looking at him, his wrinkled eyes, and I thought to myself if I really didn't mind the age gap of 14 years. And I went: "Heck, he is the type of man I like." And I think every other women would like. His wittiness, masculinity (in his own way), and I absolutely love and totally impressed with what he does. Doodling. Though kind of old for me but he is still young at heart, cute and lovable. Made me feel so lucky to have met him and have him. Naive you think. I agree with you. I suppose he would have the last laugh if he were to come to know about this.
Now I am totally, fumingly, disappointed by what done to me. (Considered the fact it is by someone who works in the government sector, and well-liked by many other graphic lovers with his doodles and its website. So successful but leading a double life, meticulous enough not to jeopardize his career nor hobby. I thought we could have stayed as friends but he was only looking for amusement outside his working hours, friends/family gatherings.) And that's good. Put an end to my conflicting thoughts.
Not sure if I consider myself to be one, but I think I am more likely to be a cynic. The existence of selfishness is far greater than selflessness on this planet. But many around are trying to act otherwise.
What infactuation ends and love begins, I think infactuation is all that is. How is it possible to keep a relationship going if you are unable to constantly feel infactuated with the other person? Love is like NOTHING. Absolutely nothing without these little elements.
This sad, illusionary, and not-so-amazingly-perfect-after-all chapter of my life is closed and burned.
I don't have to resort to attracting these desperate 'ah peks'. I am content with what I have and where I am.
Why would I be interested in wrinkly old men who are well-to-do but probably out there, with ill intentions, ogling at vulnerable sweet little things to cheat? O God, why are men born to be shallow? Putting women's other "assets" of more importance.
"Friends with benefits" (companionship, someone else would use). Whatever sort of benefit that is, I can live without. So what if they have the 5Cs? What's the amount of money I could save on transport/food/entertainment compared to my dignity? Yes I long to lead a comfortable life but who doesn't? I am definitely not as shallow as those golddiggers who have no self respect. Well women are stronger nowadays, except for the weaker few who tainted the rest of us girls' names. I have always believed in self-dependence and staying down-to-earth. There is never a shortcut to everything.
He thinks I am more concerned with material things than having deep, meaningful, emotionally-connected and non financial/physical-based relationship. (Think men hear this all the time from women. But of course we have some of that animal attraction too.) And he believes in mutual providence. He gives to get what he wants, generally to satisfy him, make me feel contented to please himself indirectly, putting himself above all rest. Literally, it was a make-believe. Anyone who isn't as strong-minded are going to get broken. Touches you with sweet gestures but leave you desolated with his empty talks. I am glad I came to my senses early cause that wasn't the life I want to live. Absolutely too good to believe. The whole episode puzzled me all this while. Short, abrupt, out of nowhere. But I knew how the ending would turn out from the beginning. As soon as how it had started.
One night I was looking at him, his wrinkled eyes, and I thought to myself if I really didn't mind the age gap of 14 years. And I went: "Heck, he is the type of man I like." And I think every other women would like. His wittiness, masculinity (in his own way), and I absolutely love and totally impressed with what he does. Doodling. Though kind of old for me but he is still young at heart, cute and lovable. Made me feel so lucky to have met him and have him. Naive you think. I agree with you. I suppose he would have the last laugh if he were to come to know about this.
Now I am totally, fumingly, disappointed by what done to me. (Considered the fact it is by someone who works in the government sector, and well-liked by many other graphic lovers with his doodles and its website. So successful but leading a double life, meticulous enough not to jeopardize his career nor hobby. I thought we could have stayed as friends but he was only looking for amusement outside his working hours, friends/family gatherings.) And that's good. Put an end to my conflicting thoughts.
Not sure if I consider myself to be one, but I think I am more likely to be a cynic. The existence of selfishness is far greater than selflessness on this planet. But many around are trying to act otherwise.
What infactuation ends and love begins, I think infactuation is all that is. How is it possible to keep a relationship going if you are unable to constantly feel infactuated with the other person? Love is like NOTHING. Absolutely nothing without these little elements.
This sad, illusionary, and not-so-amazingly-perfect-after-all chapter of my life is closed and burned.
posted by Li.di.ya at
10:47 PM
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