Conspiratorial . Entanglement

The girl who cried wolf

2010-08-24T00:30:00.003+08:00

Even if no one takes it for real, just remember I've tried calling out.

Maybe it's better that way, to not leave footprints like that girl.

But this is what they owe me.
This is the mistake they have made.
This is to tell you you're not alone.

I have left a wall post for her, but even now the page is gone. And think it goes like this...
"We may never be able to fully comprehend, but some of us do know what drives. And IMO, it is courage that you've shown."

And it is such courage I do not have. And as always, the 'bo chup' attitude - "I respect your decision".

In the midst of chaos, there is relieve (within our own discretion). - LZ

Seriously who gives a fuck about the others when it's taking its toll is on us, and only us. Shut up to those who talk so much without bothering to use their pea brain to analyze what goes on behind.

To a certain point, I would think it is stupidity especially if the cause is BGR. Just look at me, can't you tell that I am not that into those male species? I already have a useless one at home who have ruined a woman's life, marriage. And now mine. At least 1/3 of it. So it is now up to me to decide on how the rest of the 2/3 is going to be.

I don't see why I have to be the one to 'let you go in peace'. Who will be the one doing it for me in the future then? If that's how you are going to learn from your wrong doings on your death bed, so be it.

All you have to do is leave them to come to realization themselves. It is later or never. - LZ

Oh well, everyone has their own story to tell, and there is this particular one I can get inspirations from.

Not that I am getting all emo, or seeking for attention or pity. This is my form of short escape, getting across to you, if any is out there. And I surely seek to post something more positive. Nobody can love someone like this, isn't it? They always say you first got to love yourself before anyone can love you isn't it? But what I think is, it is better to self-indulge than not love yourself enough, wasting on people that isn't worth it.

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

I do pray for fairytales, though not putting my hopes up high. But I think I am too dark for such.

Just going with the flow...

First you amuse me. Then you thrill me. And last you bore me.

2010-07-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

Don't make me feel like I've got the whole world in my hands only to take it away from me soon after.

The body has been sending weird signals

2009-11-10T10:27:00.003+08:00

I am not at all curious as to know what is going on.

Probably at the back of the mind I do know what I should be expecting, but chicken to find out.

But seriously, as far as I am concerned, I feel that I don't need to know and absolutely don't care if anything is really going to happen.

Crazy little thing call love

2009-04-19T13:45:00.002+08:00

Don't be mistaken, I have yet to have a change in status. "Yeah I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody... with somebody who loves me". Probably cause of the high temperature of the weather lately, I am experiencing "hot flushes" already even before I hit menopause. lol.

Totally in the mood for love, just for now. And I am not going for those exhibitionist-styled.

Just met this young couple for tennis, and I say they have this 'fu qi lian'. The only time I felt myself in that situation was 5yrs ago. But surely I have moved on from there. They are in their late 20s so I am staying hopeful! Thats why I usually asks people in a relationship how/where they found their partner. i need tips man! Luck hasn't been on my side however, usually which I find myself attracted to (or finally able to make connection with) those either taken or ... he's just not that into me. I believe completely in karma so no cat fight for me. I wouldnt want to be someone who had wasted her youth on one man and later stolen by another in the future. =) (Although sometimes I do have the urge, for the sake of my happiness =x) But of course I have no control over that if it were to happen to me by some vicious woman and a heartless man.

Meanwhile, I shall for put more effort into my work. Like it that I am becoming more corporate minded. sort of. =B

And I have decided to contribute half of my salary towards having my own place, or rather sharing one with another friend, because I can no longer take anymore of those shit I have been getting and since I am unable to find someone to help me release from my misery. Tortured mentally and sometimes even physically, many times I have been thinking if only I am able to get myself a partner where I could run for shelter. I only blame myself that I am not any fitter to retaliate. I could only vent my frustration on non-living objects.

Mark those words that had came from my mouth as well as from the heart, because in time to come, you will find that it will all be happening so don't be too taken aback. And I am waiting for that day where it all comes true and when I am in more power and control. Its not incorrect...

[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]

Till then... Cheers towards Independence Day!

2008-08-30T00:33:00.008+08:00

I don't blame her for becoming what she is now. I blame the one who brought this upon himself, as well as pulling us down with him. Why give yourself so much responsibilty when it's only so little you can handle? So selfish to dump them on us and made us the scapegoat, living the bachelorhood life and having the time of your life. You don't deserve ANYTHING from us, nor anyone else around. An absolute un-contributive living burden to us and society.

Lucky her to have found a place to shelter the storm. Poor me can only wait till the sun is up again. ... ...Till Independence Day!

Let us just see who gets the last laugh, we are just waiting to watch the tables get turned.

Things don't usually turn out the way they initially apeared to be

2008-05-08T23:48:00.006+08:00

Not sure if i'm just sensitive with a wild imagination but I think I received some bad attitude when about to leave the office. Felt something was wrong already during work. Im not gonna elaborate cause I don't wish to appear like a bitch here complaining. Maybe I should feel partly responsible too.

He didn't get to witness what I had seen only. Of course, my PR skills are incomparable to any others. And some people just choose to see what they wanna see, think how they wanna think. That is why Im always on the lose-out end. I let my guard down too much and too easily. But guess not anymore. Better to draw a clear line.

I would very much appreciate people being honest with me and just tell whatever things to my face. I don't hide behind a mask, at least hardly, else you could still see thru me from the slightly cramped up face and occasional stutter. And I don't see why anyone else should.

I have been asking myself this alot: What kind of impression do I give people (friends or passer-bys, in terms of looks and everything else. I don't open up enough?). Cause they make me feel Im unlikeable. But I really don't think I deserve any "bitch-slap" I see myself getting at times. What I see in the mirror sometimes reflect something else. Another big problem is I always seem to attract the wrong kind of people and stuff. I may look ______ but im pretty much very down to earth kind of person.

Anyway, TGIF. I shall wear a solemn, don't-mess-with-me kind of face and attitude to work from now on.

By the way, simply got myself free buffet lunch for 4 at Timbre this Sun from Power98 Sebestian this evening by playing a "name the song" game on air. Caught me by total surprise. Was hoping the caller to be more of a job agent when he repeatedly told me his name and I was like "ok... huh?... where are you from?" Forgot i had smsed to enter the contest. Had no idea what the T&C for the prize were and just fired my sms right away. Thank godness it was easy-peasy. "Can't get you out of my head..."

An activities-filled month

2008-05-02T13:43:00.005+08:00

Not that I was trying to make my 21st Bday any way more special or memorable, besides the usual pig out sessions, there were small events here and there, that made it slightly a more happening month.

The List (in order of events):

1. Alarming, but was kinda expected, discovery

Sometimes it really isn't about being too sensitive to make a big fuss out of something minor, or being able to see that things going exactly intuition

2. A short getaway for some sun-soaking-cum-swimming-with-the-fish-cum-the-simple-disconnected-life therapy

3. An evening of rock'n roll

4. The "big day" celebrations

[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]

2008-02-17T01:33:00.001+08:00

Alright, the festivity period is over. Thanks for the long weekends/holidays but they did me nothing good.

Ever since christmas, my sleeping habit had became a mess. I dread every waking day when it urges me to send an sms to apply for leave. Half day would even be fine as long as I could sleep in a little longer. But eventually I thought it wouldn't make sense to waste my al on additional 2 hours of sleep, gotta save it for my next holiday trip.

A short getaway to a nearby island for some sun-soaking would be a good break for now. Or an adventure weekend trip with BOAC for some water rafting! Things have been quite stale in the office so need some perk-me-ups and keep my energy going. Just hope that this wouldn't be for long. May my application into university be successful.

...........
...........

Planned to continue this post with the many stuffs that are running in my head but I am too exhasted at the moment. Shall wait till tomorrow. Need some theraputic sleep first otherwise this would really be a sleepless night.

I know... he's such a waste of my emotions. Let this be the last time.

That dreadful time of the year

2008-02-13T23:02:00.003+08:00

Well not quite for me. Frankly speaking, I dread Chinese New Year so much more than Valentines day

[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]

This is the last time

2008-02-12T01:26:00.002+08:00

The last time I am going to write about you.

The last time I am going to recall this short period of ours.

Trying my best to be like you. To be heartless.

It is better to have loved and lost than not love at all. I wouldn't want to go with this saying. Cause I wouldn't bear to have my heart broken over again and again, left with such sweet memories only to share it with myself for the rest of my life. I did so much just to......

[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]

Connecting... ... Disconnected

2008-01-31T01:20:00.000+08:00

There is always a song for every occasion, representing the chapters in your life, accompany you through the good and the diffcult times.

Found a recommendation for this song on a blog and it immediately hits me. This is one of them that gets to me the moment I hear it for the first time.

Communication - The Cardigans

For 27 years I’ve been trying to believe and confide in
Different people I’ve found
Some of them got closer than others
And someone wouldn’t even bother and then you came around

I didn’t really know what to call you, you didn’t know me at all
But I was happy to explain
I never really knew how to move you
So I tried to intrude through the little holes in your veins
And I saw you

But that’s not an invitation, that’s all I get
If this is communication, I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you but I don’t know how to connect
so I disconnect

You always seem to know where to find me and I’m still here behind you
In the corner of your eye
I’ll never really learn how to love you
But I know that I love you through the hole in the sky
Where I see you

And that’s not an invitation, that’s all I get
If this is communication, I disconnect
I’ve seen you, I know you but I don’t know how to connect
So I disconnect

Well this is an invitation, it’s not a threat
If you want communication, that’s what you get
I’m talking and talking but I don’t know how to connect
And I hold a record for being patient
With your kind of hesitation
I need you, you want me but I don’t know how to connect
So I disconnect
I disconnect

Emotions plunged straight down.
Silently.
No one discovered me.
Almost.
Almost let slip.
But I always seem to cover it up well.
Managed to jump right up only during our department dinner.

You know, sometimes it's better to indulge in self-obsession than thinking of people who doesn't value you and not love yourself at all.

There goes another wedding

2008-01-26T22:20:00.001+08:00

Had a twirling good time, with a bit of cha-cha, last Saturday at Clarke Quay. Ohh... I love it when someone does that to me.

That evening before was my cousin's wedding at York Hotel. Was so happy for them that they finally tied the knot and tears almost flowed while watching the visuals. Probably from envy. 2 years ago he was struggling with his job earning peanuts and now look him, he can afford to marry his girl now.

I am sure this is going to be one long lasting marriage.
So are the rest of my cousins'.

So, with divorce rates soaring, choose to have a little family of your own or remain bachelorhood?

Individual choice. Why follow the trend of getting married when you know your tolerance level is not that high and your heart of giving is not that great? Now is like the century of "Every man for himself".

What do you wish to achieve, what gives you the fulfillment in life, and what is it that makes you go "I am fully utilised!". Some sort. Proudly.

It eventually boils down to two: Family or Career.

For women, most would say family is more of importance. Well I agree. However, if she is unable to find an ultimate life partner why risk it? And if she is capable enough to have a career that would keep her equally busy and satisfied why not?

As for men, the answer is obvious. Career is the core of their life! Men who are successful are attractive and of course, gives a certain degree of security. Yeah, in terms of the ability to provide for his partner. For other kinds of security, we will never know for sure. In times like this, meeting a decent, honest man is like one in a million chances. Family-oriented men are definitely, nonetheless attractive too! Love their spacious SUVs. It's so family-car =D

To have really lived life, for me, is when you have something that makes you want to give so much of yourself until there is nothing left of you, have some responsibility to shoulder that gives you a sense of satisfaction at the end of it. Especially when the "life" comes from you. It's like a glimmer of "hope", and everything else for you to live for. Life is meaningless when it's all about you and your 9-5 job, with lots of OT or not. In reality, many things are impposible without money. But with all the money in the world, what else can you do with them? It's like you came onto this earth with nothing and you are going to leave with nothing too? Thus I go for the family life. It would make me feel more complete, that I have fulfilled at least something in life. I have given what I was given before.

If this is not going to be possible, career is ultimate option then. Otherwise I would really have wasted all these years on earth. Which I don't actually quite give a damn la.

Seriously, women don't have much of a choice when it comes to choosing their partners. In fact, we are the ones who wait and get hooked by whatever guy that fancies you. Don't work out? Then that's tough luck for you. And that man moves along to find his next target. It's so much simple for men to get attached in most cases.

Good guys finish last? Right... I will be the first to snatch them up!
In fact, I don't trust good lookers.

Something to laugh about, and is rather true:
"Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position."

Slipping in and out

2008-01-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

STOP ME!

I did something utterly foolish. And no one was there to stop me.

Begining to blame everything on myself again.
If only I was able to pretend that everything was ok...

Now ignored and forgotten.

This is the, Heart-break Hotel... This is the, Heart-break Hotel...

Oh well, let it fade and slip like the sands in the hour glass in time to come.

Life is like a play. The events taking place in our lives are part of the game. Why not just play along like the rest of the crew?

Relax~ Breath...

There is such a thing as being too cautious in life! If you never try anything new or never try to do anything that seems just the slightest bit risky, you will never change your life. Toss your hesitations out of the window today and go out and do something impulsive!

[Katharine McPee - Everywhere I Go]

Speech-Handicapped

2008-01-09T17:31:00.000+08:00

Pardon me but I tend to murmur and seem to have oral communication problem whenever I am tired, disinterested etc...

And now. My head is cracking. Don't have patience when I am sick.

This is so-not-attractive but can't help it.

Anyway, the MTV of J.Holiday's Bed could have been made sexier. What a letdown.
*Boo~

What type of Flirt are you?

2008-01-07T10:36:00.000+08:00

I am a Flirt-Shy (damn its accurate. try yours here)

Your coyness around the male species could be misinterpreted as aloofness, so you've got to learn to conquer it and work on your flirting skills. Flirting is in fact one of the best ways to signal your interest in making friends with the opposite sex. If you close yourself off in social interactions, you'll be missing out on opportunities of finding your Mr. Right.

First ask yourself why you avoid flirting: Maybe you don't feel attractive or confident enough. Or perhaps you don't feel comfortable with your sensuality. But the only way you'll overcome your anxiety when socializing with the guys is to practice, practice, practice. Start by learning a few simple flirting tactics. One surefire technique is to work your smile: Immediately you'll appear less intimidating. Another easy way to open up is to start dishing out sincere compliments, like "Cool jacket" or "You have a really nice smile". Practice a little more, and you'll realize how fun it can be.

[Don't explain youself, cause talk is cheap.]

2 Days in Paris

2007-12-30T01:57:00.000+08:00

Same leading actress, lots of dialogues, another movie very similar to "Before Sunset" & "Before Sunrise". Their conversation is so engaging and close to my heart.

"It's not easy being in a relationship, much less to truely know the other one and accept them as they are with all their flaws and baggage. And to truely love each other we need to know the truth about each other, even if it's not so easy to take. ...The toughest thing to me was to decide to be with some one for good, the idea that this is it, this is the man I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. To decide that i will make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem. ...It always fascinates me how people go loving you madly to nothing at all. Nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel that someone's gonna leave me I have the tendency to break up first before i get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. one more, one less, another waste of love story. I really love this one. When i think that its over that i will never get to see him like this. Well yes i will bump into him, we will meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we have never been together. Then we will slowly think of each other less and less, until we forget each other completely. Almost. ...Then after a few months of total emptiness start to look again for true love, desperately look everywhere. And after 2 years of loneliness, meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. ...There is a time when u can't recover anymore... ..."

him: when was over, was over
she: so if we break up you wouldn't like to see me ever again?
him: no i mean if i ran into you i wouldn't avoid you, but i wouldn't go my way to hang out with you. no
she: so that means i'm not a likeable person outside of our relationship?
he: oh ya basically. ha
she: that's interesting, but you know i like you, i would like to be your
friend when we break up. ... i would like you even if we weren't together

Yeah. When everything ends, everything just stops right there. Sad isn't it? Why aren't we able to carry on our friendship after all the time spent, understanding, knowing each other inside out? Not that we didn't enjoy each other's company. Not that the breakup was so heart shattering that we don't wish to have anything further to do with the other person. Unless we were plainly looking for a soulmate or "playmate" from the start.

Do you sometimes feel empty even when you are surrounded by people, with events happening around you? Empty when he holds your hand, when he wraps his arms around you, everything seemed so surreal, thinking to yourself will this last? Thinking is he satisfying just himself? You very much want to believe the moment but your head is totally empty. Can't think no more. Feel like a ragdoll. Do they give a damn about you? How you feel, what you think, or are they more concerned about themselves?

And I've even wondered
If we Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But its empty
Its empty
- Empty by Click Five

It could have been a long lasting relationship with S if we had never given up so easily. We could have solved it together but we had choosen to run away.

And M. He seemed so real and down to earth at times which is rare you ask me, to find such qualities in a person, and it really attracted me. But other times it was as if he was hiding something. And that made me confused.

I am so not ready for 2008.

But whatever.

Bring it on!

[I starred into oblivion and found my own reflection there. Home, now that I'm coming home. Would you be the same as when I saw you last, tell me how much time has passed. - Into Oblivion by Funeral for a Friend]

The Food Bachelor

2007-12-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

Guess who was on tonight's show?

That cute guy from the office.

Was switching between channels and saw this E-lookalike. Coincidental enough, it truely was him!

Articulate. Confident. Rich kid but friendly & humble. Definitely an eligible bachelor.

I still see the age of 26 plus minus as the pinnacle period of one's life. Just feel that there is so much more going on.

And I can't help but still feel excited whenever I talk about M.
Amazed. Mezmerizesd. Out of my mind? Hate to admit, YES!

Feel L.I.B.E.R.A.T.E.D

2007-12-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

No limitations. Creativity is about having no restrictions.

Your work. Your style.
Let the "juice" floowww...

And where is mine?

Waiting for the life-changing event to take place.

Give thanks! Hallelujah! My ass

2007-12-17T00:09:00.000+08:00

FFFFFUCKKKKK!!!!

"Find someone else who is worthy to be your dad."

If only we have the option to choose.

Sorry I can't be as forgiving as you think I should and as filial as you are because ungrateful brat is exhasted.

This is Utterubbish! - Refreshing, Inspiring

2007-12-16T15:18:00.000+08:00

Dropped by The City Hall on Thursday after work to check out Utterubbish since it had been extended a week longer.

My favourite is this: We Feel Fine exhibit

Kinda blur but do try to figure the sentences out.

They have this amazing tool whereby they are able to auto retrieve and store sentences consisting of the phrase "I feel" or the word "feel" etc in the database whenever anyone from any part of the world blogs, consisting of these.

Another is a room filled with all e toys, including loads of trexi, which were up for auction. Damn cool. Someone would love it so much.

The other exhibits were good as well. Eco-friendly and stuff, enjoyed it alot.

Totally inspired. A pity that I wasn't able to share with someone that I think would enjoy it as much as I did.

You flag for cabs and buses, what else?

2007-12-13T12:53:00.000+08:00

A truck!

Last night I did just that on my way home without my contact lenses on. Wonder what was the driver's reaction if he happened to realise there wasn't any bus behind him.

And I received a good news with regards to work. Though not a high position to be exactly proud of, nonetheless, I am getting a promotion! (from being an extremely small fry) Not quite finalized, but meaning my boss will fight for me and discuss with his boss, the Managing Director that is. Will get a pay increment nonetheless, and till then, a second round of increment once officially promoted. YEAH!

Hmm... so is this all planned? My unsuccessful job switch to the advertising company. I know this offer is really attractive but still can't decide whether to stay or continue with the job search. Might as well stick to this till I get into a university huh?

The night before attended...

It was good but not as good as I had expected. Luckily me, saved my 95 bucks on the tickets.

Was in the mosh pit but decided to get out of the crazy area shortly after the concert had started. Almost lost my flip flops if I had not used my skillful toe power to pull it back on my feet. A few other girls were not that lucky.

I forgot to mention, there were floating condoms bouncing around the mosh pit before the concert had started. Kinda sick but we laughed it off.

Maroon 5 will be here in March next year!

My Chemical Romance - The Black Parade

Company Dinner @ Gallery Hotel

2007-12-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

Look at the wonders of a month of Roaccutane, my face has cleared quite a bit and still improving. Damn I should have started popping the pills early.

Went over to Butter Factory after dinner and this is the only picture. There was a photographer too but unfortunately unable to find the photos taken by him.

Wouldn't you like to have a VS christmas tree

2007-12-10T13:07:00.000+08:00

Victoria Secrets' christmas tree. SWEET!~

[Worry too much and you will never get anything accomplished. Relax~]

Wrinkly old men disgust me

2007-12-08T22:47:00.000+08:00

Not as turned on by older men now. At least not a very wide age gap.

I don't have to resort to attracting these desperate 'ah peks'. I am content with what I have and where I am.

Why would I be interested in wrinkly old men who are well-to-do but probably out there, with ill intentions, ogling at vulnerable sweet little things to cheat? O God, why are men born to be shallow? Putting women's other "assets" of more importance.

"Friends with benefits" (companionship, someone else would use). Whatever sort of benefit that is, I can live without. So what if they have the 5Cs? What's the amount of money I could save on transport/food/entertainment compared to my dignity? Yes I long to lead a comfortable life but who doesn't? I am definitely not as shallow as those golddiggers who have no self respect. Well women are stronger nowadays, except for the weaker few who tainted the rest of us girls' names. I have always believed in self-dependence and staying down-to-earth. There is never a shortcut to everything.

He thinks I am more concerned with material things than having deep, meaningful, emotionally-connected and non financial/physical-based relationship. (Think men hear this all the time from women. But of course we have some of that animal attraction too.) And he believes in mutual providence. He gives to get what he wants, generally to satisfy him, make me feel contented to please himself indirectly, putting himself above all rest. Literally, it was a make-believe. Anyone who isn't as strong-minded are going to get broken. Touches you with sweet gestures but leave you desolated with his empty talks. I am glad I came to my senses early cause that wasn't the life I want to live. Absolutely too good to believe. The whole episode puzzled me all this while. Short, abrupt, out of nowhere. But I knew how the ending would turn out from the beginning. As soon as how it had started.

One night I was looking at him, his wrinkled eyes, and I thought to myself if I really didn't mind the age gap of 14 years. And I went: "Heck, he is the type of man I like." And I think every other women would like. His wittiness, masculinity (in his own way), and I absolutely love and totally impressed with what he does. Doodling. Though kind of old for me but he is still young at heart, cute and lovable. Made me feel so lucky to have met him and have him. Naive you think. I agree with you. I suppose he would have the last laugh if he were to come to know about this.

Now I am totally, fumingly, disappointed by what done to me. (Considered the fact it is by someone who works in the government sector, and well-liked by many other graphic lovers with his doodles and its website. So successful but leading a double life, meticulous enough not to jeopardize his career nor hobby. I thought we could have stayed as friends but he was only looking for amusement outside his working hours, friends/family gatherings.) And that's good. Put an end to my conflicting thoughts.

Not sure if I consider myself to be one, but I think I am more likely to be a cynic. The existence of selfishness is far greater than selflessness on this planet. But many around are trying to act otherwise.

What infactuation ends and love begins, I think infactuation is all that is. How is it possible to keep a relationship going if you are unable to constantly feel infactuated with the other person? Love is like NOTHING. Absolutely nothing without these little elements.

This sad, illusionary, and not-so-amazingly-perfect-after-all chapter of my life is closed and burned.

Silly & nonsensical

2007-12-05T11:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed by emotions so easily.

Particularly over some silly things.

Found something relatively similar to what Glenn Ong and The flying Dutchman were talking about this morning on the radio:

A kiss is just a kiss? What it means to a man and woman.

A US study has found women use kissing as a means to assess a relationship and its future while men appear to kiss in a bid to increase the likelihood of having sex.

The study found women place more importance on kissing and are more likely to evaluate their partner's kissing ability on factors such as the smell of their breath and the appearance of their teeth.

The study of more than one thousand students at the New York State University also found fewer women than men are willing to have sex without kissing their partners first.

Women also feel a bad kisser is less attractive.
The study published in Evolutionary Psychology found men are less discriminating when it comes to deciding who to kiss or who to have sex with.
Further findings show men tend to employ romantic kissing as a means of increasing sexual receptivity and gaining sexual access to affect conflict resolution and to possibly monitor the fertility of his mate.

Women meanwhile place a greater importance on kissing not only to make more judicious mate assessments but for those in committed relationships kissing is used to update monitor and assess the status of their partner's continuing commitment or lack thereof to the relationship.

Now tell me, how true is that.

I myself think that kissing itself is a foreplay.

Whatever it is. I missed my chance of having a hot kiss when the feeling was so there and right. O damn.

Get addicted!

2007-12-03T17:10:00.000+08:00

They say: "To get rid of an addiction, one way is to get a new one!"

Maybe it's simply because you are someone I am not, have something that I am unable to find in me. Just standing in a corner admiring what you do. I am fine with it even when you don't give a damn about this person.

Thankfully, I can proudly say that the roller coaster ride is over. Started with hatred, but eventually, it becomes neutral. And I am now neutral.

It's sad when relationships (all sorts) get so complex when we are unable to open up our hearts and share so freely, afraid to give too much of ourselves and become the one on the losing end, when in fact, it's very simple. Quit thinking that female species are difficult and complicated. We try to get things across to you but you were never sensitive enough to understand and put the blame on us instead. Both species are equally weird if you ask me. Just that both sides have always been trying to place the responsibility on the other.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. DEAL WITH IT!

"Sometimes it seems like all I ever do is ask for things
Until I ask too much of you
But that's not the way I wanna live
I need to change
But something's got to give"
- Relient K - Give Until There's Nothing Left

I opened myself up for the very first time but I didn't have the chance to understand your inner thoughts nor emotions. I still think that [whatever I accused you of] is all that matters to you cause you had never or tried proven otherwise, though I tried to find evidence to prove yourself not guilty.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wanna be the next Gaming Queen!

"Rewarded" myself with a white PSP Slim cause I think it's time for me to find some fun from some gaming device. A portable one. Was comtemplating between PSP and NDS and eventually choose the one with better graphics over the more-fun-and-kiddy-filled-games console. Kinda addicted for now. Hopefully, I wouldn't get bored after a month or two.

Bought everything at $430. Not sure if I could have found something cheaper even though I had done a little research.

Sometimes I find myself not exactly a smart shopper. As long as I am able to get my hands on the thing, I wouldn't mind to pay for it a little more to save some time and effort. I usually console myself with "Money can be earned back" or "This is equivalent to a top/luxurious meal/x days of tuition" whenever I have found something to splurge on.

Bought Seagate FreeAgent Go hard drive at $179 and found it yesterday at Sitex 2007 $10 cheaper cause of last day of exhibition. WITH CASE!!! Trying t keep my cool... ... It's alright... It's alright... *growl*

Plan to enroll in the Specialisation in Visual Communication course, a continuation of the Part-time Certificate course in Basic Visual Communication. Think it should help with my pursue in Marketing. Gonna be another hectic period of work.class.tuition again.

Hmm... but Paulene and I were planning to take up tennis lessons. =/ Last Saturday we were disciplined enough (actually, it wasn't much of a choice when you had to meet someone, it's not solely a one-man-show) to meet at 8am for a run at ECP. Effective way of working out when you will push yourself to work as hard as your partner. Refreshing. We shall make this a weekly affair.

Everybody loves Raymond

2007-11-26T16:35:00.000+08:00

Everyone adores you. So much so you wouldn't even realise, nor does it bother you, that you have lost a fan along your journey to "fame". Blinding perhaps, cause you have so much more on hand and there's absolutely nothing to lose, you think.

Came across this unprofessional local advertising firm while looking for a job switch. Was offered a position at the company but remembered bout the year end bonus. So actually tried my luck to ask for 2 months' notice instead which obviously is impossible. Told you I was just trying my luck. And I told her to let me know again with regards to that but she ignored. Even the email I sent her 2 days later. Gave her a call at the end of the week and the shocking news I got from her was she had gotten another girl but yet to confirm with her. Totally speechless for that few seconds. Again, she didn't bother to get back to me after that, got a reply from her though, after I had emailed her again after the call. Was so prepared to forgo my bonus and join the company cause it's not easy for a IT diploma holder to get a Mass Comm graduate's job ok. So alright, it wasn't up to me to be picky, but at least have the courtesy to let me know her thoughts or outcome and could still discuss right! Anyway, now that things have turned kinda ugly, no point for me to hang on to this. SO UNPROFESSIONAL! Makes my blood boil! Thank god I haven't mentioned anything to my boss or HR regarding the bonus stuff. Almost let slip.

*Sigh* Another illusory state of happiness.

Never gonna let this fighting spirit die. Gonna take a big leap and reach for the many opportunities out there waiting for me. Definitely ready for the big plunge.

Last Thursday was the last day of my part time course, and the presentation part sucked. So that was the last time for some of us to see each other. Paulene was nice enough to bring her handy camera for a class photo.

Here's our "graduation photo":

This looks quite dead. Another "informal" below. Look whose being gentleman. We had to give up the seats to the guys. Ho ho, alright they were way outnumbered by us girls.

Let's see where we go from here. All the best!

Out of my M(use)ind

2007-11-13T10:35:00.000+08:00

Who is as crazy as to fly over to Thailand for Muse's concert?

I would.

But probably I could wait for their next concert tour in Singapore. Wasn't aware that they were here for a gig early this year.

Wasted.

Madness

2007-11-09T00:24:00.000+08:00

I should expect some muscle aches tomorrow.

Tried running to Kembangan for tuition and back this afternoon.

At least it's some improvement that I did slightly better for the 2nd trip than the first.

Keep it up!

And this weekend will be assignment madness for me.
-Panicky-

Watch me transform!

2007-11-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

Give me a month's time to see results.

Recently my acne problem has worsen, not sure the reason why. My habit hasn't gone through any big changes, I put more effort in my skincare regime. Miss the clear-ol'-days where I could leave the house almost naked-faced with minimal concealer.

Desperate for facials, treatments... Last resort, medication. You have to start from the root of the problem right? Ok, inside and out.

Visited The Sloane Clinic during lunch hour for consultation with the doctor. Was interested to go for their Clean & Clear Program but not after it seemed that it wouldnt be the best solution to solve my acne problem except opting for the pill. I have never liked to consume any sort of medicine because of the side effects and I don't wish to be dependant on those drugs later on. I think drugs make us dumb. Eventually I turned to the stronger Roaccutane instead of antibiotics because it is more effective, I think.

I am so determined to get rid of this problem once and for all.

Dropped by Niks Shop Salon after work to grab a few of their products. They offer Therapeutic Facials too using Niks. Thought this was quite effective as it did clear my skin after the doctor I consulted at Niks Maple Clinic (Blk 825 Tampines St 81 #01-64 Singapore 520825 Tel:6783 9038) prescribed me about a year ago. Heard from my boss and colleagues Famicare Bedok Clinic (Blk 158 Bedok South Ave 3 #01-583 Tel :6442 8373) is good too. Yet to try it myself though. (But of course I don't wish to have a chance to go to another clinic and spend a bomb again.) Changing my skincare range again. Frequent change is not advisable but I am currently doing quite a bit of that. =X Previously spent quite a bit on Bio-Essense poducts and damn my money is wasted again.

I shall accumulate all the receipts and calculate the total amount I have spent for the cure at the end of it.

Let's see if it's worth my investment a month later.

Record breaking

2007-11-04T17:47:00.000+08:00

... 8 hours of KTV!

[to be edited]

Everyone deserves something good

2007-11-02T11:34:00.000+08:00

Five Dead-End Dating Patterns and How to Break Them

I fell into the fifth scenario, that is Crumbs:

The pattern: You're involved with a guy (who may be married) who sees you occasionally and only when it works in his schedule. For the most part, he treats you well when he's with you. If he's wealthy, he may buy you Manolos or take you out to five-star restaurants. He may be hot in bed. But he cuts you off if his wife or son needs the slightest thing. And he's never available when you need or want him. This rejection causes you a great deal of pain, yet you think that overall it's a good deal. You spend a lot of time thinking and fantasizing about him: how he's going to leave his wife or cut back on his work schedule and be with you in a rose-covered cottage or on the beach in Maui. In your heart of hearts, you know that day will never come, but you're afraid to act on that knowledge. Although you'd never admit it, even to your best friend, you believe that this second-class status is the very best you'll ever be able to get and you're damn lucky to have it.

The fix: Give up the crumbs and take a seat at the banquet table. First, break up with him. Then make a rule: I only date men who are (a) available and (b) crazy about me (for real). Try this on for size, even if it means spending time with guys who "aren't good enough" but who treat you like royalty. You need to learn what it really means to be loved.

Almost very similar, except for the treats part. =/ Yea, what do the men take us for? We girls deserve better than this. This is called respect alright.

Know what I suddenly remembered the other night when there were water droplets left on my hands after washing. It was you wiping them off on/with your pants/hands. So sweet that it made me smile.

It doesn't end here

2007-10-29T12:01:00.000+08:00

And you thought the psychotic games are over.

It hasn't.

*Ecstatic*
More of this please because we are all sick in the head. =B

This is another interesting one. A guy in self-denial, obsessed with a sex doll cause he can't find a real girl to love. This would definitely give me a good laugh.

What's life without adventure?

2007-10-26T14:12:00.000+08:00

NO LIFE.

Boredom is killing me.

Every starting of the week I will be longing for Friday to come. But whenever it's the weekends, I lose the excitment knowing that it would just be another usual 2 days off from work. Before you know it, it's back to the 5days work week routine before you actually got the chance to do anything productive, or anything at all.

Almost got over it completely till you came back and leave me hanging all over again. Ego booster? Ability to monopolize makes you feel good huh? To take control, to dominate, makes one feel superior huh? That's one major ego problem you've got there. Sorry to disappoint, I am not letting it affect me because I very well know what you are trying to do. You are successful in every other way that people see you but not as a person. Because the only person you care and love is yourself and respect for others is never there. Your world revolves only around you, family and work. You never really needed anyone else. Let me put it this way, you like it without strings attached. No responsibility. No commitment. Correct? Hardly ever go wrong from what I have observed.

Hey, I really think I would do very well in Psychology.

Ok, I can respect that, I think I should. I can't expect everyone's expectations or the wants in life to be the same. Just angry that you treated me like another escapade, or rather, another taxi driver of yours.

I have always been sincere to the people around me but why do they always try to play games with me? It's disheartening. Life is short everyones knows, if that's how you think you should live it, jolly well go ahead. With no dignity.

Xia xue, the well known blogger had this short section in one of her posts about death.
Imagine hor, if afterlife really exists and you look like how you were just at the end of your life, wouldn't you be super pissed off if you jumped off a building instead of taking sleeping pills to commit suicide?I must keep that in mind if I ever wanna die.Digressing even further, Mike says that he thinks that when people die, NOTHING happens.When I asked him what he means, he asked me back, "Did you ever go under (general anesthesia)?"I told him no (my nose job's one I was fully awake), and he said it is a really queer feeling, like you just stop being in existance.Nothing.Just a little part of your life was lived without you even knowing it.You wake up later and that period when you were down is just a... blank.Isn't it scary?I told him that I am mortified of death because I think that when people die, their souls are trapped inside their immobile and dysfunctional bodies, just exactly like how we are when we sometimes get the "bei gui ya" (a Chinese saying meaning 'trapped under a ghost') feeling.For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, sometimes, when you get really tired and you fall asleep, you wake up and you are actually conscious of your surroundings, but you just can't move your body!Not a muscle. Well, I think its possible to like twitch your fingers but that's about it.So you just sort of loll around in bed under you finally, with a might jerk, wake yourself up.It's a terrible, terrible feeling and I HATE IT! I always get it when I take afternoon naps!And what if after we die THAT happens? Except we can't even jerk ourselves awake ever again!I wonder when in that state we can actually feel PAIN? You think? What if when we die (ie break our neck) we can completely feel pain but can't move or express it!!OK I got to stop this topic and go back to hair extensions.But why so many people claim to have seen ghosts but they never ask the ghosts what happens when people die ah?!

I remembered started thinking bout death as early as Primary 4, which would still make me skip a heartbeat whenever I think about it. And I think it scared the hell out of my classmate Amanda Ee when I shared it with her, like "What the hell is this girl thinking man." It was about 2 years after my grandma's death so i suppose it wasn't directly related?

Imagine not breathing (or you could try holding your breath now), lying in your coffin rotting away, not knowing what your decendants have been up to, not aware of the things going on a few feet above you, even if there is a World War 3. So what if you are someone great in this lifetime? You would probably be forgotten in decades' time. No one would have known you existed. Even if there is such thing as reincarnation, you wouldn't remember anything from the previous lifetime. Everyone starts from the very begining. Well who knows, maybe you just stop right here after death, reincarnation is just another bullshit. Anyway, would you even know you are dead? It would probably seem to you that it's just another sleep you practically do on every other nights. No thoughts. Nothing. Yea, you probably would feel practically nothing.

On a lighter note, got a pair of tickets to the 933fm Radio Awards tomorrow from my boss. (His wife is his first girlfriend mind you! Got to see her wife's and daughter's photos and hey, not bad... Wife is pretty lor!) He bought a $2000+ Canon camera and it came with the tickets. If only it's Linkin Park's Concert instead. Guess what, Chemical romance is coming in December too! Argh... What sia... Might be going. Sort of found a khaki, but still cant decide.

Recently became quite crazy over Muse, the group. Happened to listen to quite a few of their songs and they are great! How do I put it? A little emo? Soft rock? Ha, rock music again. This is another band to look out for.

My course is ending in about 3 weeks' time, then I would have time to go back to the night run routine I used to do! I need it man. Got to put myself back into shape. And maybe squeeze in a session of kickboxing? And sweat it all out! It's so damn fun if you have never tried it before.

Now what's giving me headache is the deadline for the completion of all the assignments before the evaluation/presentation day. *Glup*

-STRESS-

Woke up feeling different for a change

2007-10-20T17:17:00.000+08:00

Feeling all hyped up about what's in store for me. So many years to come, so many things waiting for me, I can't allow minor things to put me down and stop me from doing my 'thang'.

I have been an eager bunny, to grow up, to do more adult stuff. And my thinking, makes myself more mature than my peers. And boring. I am capable of bullshitting and crapping too you know. You can verify with my colleagues and boss.

Mature is good alright, no one realised I have been through alot to get myself in this state, troubled by other stuffs when my peers have only their studies to take care of. Such blessing I don't get from my childhood.

Childhood? I have long gotten over with it.

But the very few who noticed touches me when they seem to understand the condition I am in or was put under. Everyone needs to go through some hardship to make them grow. One was an Indonesian friend who had stayed with me and aunt for quite some time while working in Singapore, left a letter for me before heading off a few years back. It felt really good when someone understands and concerns about you. It was a very small gesture I did for her, I didn't know what else to do but ensure her everything will be alright when she read her friend's letter, cant remember regarding what, and started crying. She knew I am not really expressive but she felt it. She felt i cared anyway. I was there for her. Tears welled up in my eyes after reading the letter with other stuff she wrote. Completely touched. Because she cared enough to notice it. To notice me.

B was also the other who touched me with the few words he said. "Only I care." That simple. It was good enough.

Anyway I came across this immature working adult pair last night on the bus. Their subject was sweet (too sweet in fact), but for primary school students ok. Imagine their stupid small conversation I had to endure throughout my entire 20mins journey home. Not that I wanna eavesdrop but my MP3 was out of battery. Sounding so childish,was curious to see how they look like and managed to get a glimpse. So adult-like but the mentality... ermm... Some people just need to grow up. Anyway, I dont wanna seem like an old hag already when I am just 20, I wanna have fun too! Decided to enjoy this moment while I am still young, the other more adult stuff can wait and enjoyed later.

It was a good sleep last night that ended with a sweet dream. Three "important" men appeared in it. They are the people whom I used to like. The 2 Bs and M.

M was just another a few pages long chapter in my life. I decided to leave him out of the rest of it for good. I begin to believe in fate like what my boss said, it's fate that brought me to this company, to have this amazing boss. I believe M is also another amazing person I had to meet. He made me realise when you wanna do something, do it well and do it good. Do it with PASSION.

Back back back, to how I started my morning.

For the first time, rather than flipping through the papers for weekend shopping deals in town, I actually took some time to read the articles.

One is this duo who held an unconventional Gothic wedding party. What puzzles me the most is that can a couple with a difference of 14 years of age date? They started 11 years ago so that would make the woman 20 and the man 34. What a coincidence. Not that age gap this big matters to me, I was in this situation myself. And I was so naive to think so seriously about it, thinking that hey, it's possible. But that also depends who you are dealing. There are many factors for you to consider. For their case is different then. In the article the man said this sweet little thing when asked about how they managed to pull through this long and hard relationship they had, when they were constantly being separated from each other. I quote: "If you love each other, nothing is difficult, lah." Yes, love. And compromise. You don't have to say it. It's just words. Show it and let it be felt. All people who keep complaining they cant afford to fork out time for someone, look, they made effort to meet even though they are countries apart for long periods. So no excuse. Nothing difficult is going to stop you if you really want to do it. I always believe the ultimate problem is whether you want to or not.

Came across this Epi-Lasik advertisement. No cutting of cornea surgery, just laser refractive surgery so not as creepy. But the risk is still there I suppose. Might plan to go for it in the near future.

Read some work/office related article too. With the influence of M, I plan to have a career instead of just having another 9 to 5 job. For that, it's not too early to start working on it now.

Hey! I have a goal to aim for now. Not bad eh.

What vintage are you?

2007-10-17T01:48:00.000+08:00

This is the black Reese Clutch I have been wanting to get from Fossil. Finally!

A little oriental chic? It also comes in another colour that is a mixture of browns and autumn reds. Slightly more o-biang, but the different tones and shades are nice.

Was contemplating whether to get the adjustable sling, which came in more colours, and the size is big enough to contain more stuff. Decided to stick to the clutch since the bag isn't really my style. Tempted by the huge shoulder bag with the same design too but it's far too big for me. It comes along with a huge price tag of $500+ by the way.

At the same time, bought a "card wallet" with money clip for my sister to qualify myself for the 15% discount with spending of above $200. Since she has been looking for a money clip, why not? Take this chance is buy her an advance birthday present for next year. Hehe. It's in January so not too bad huh.

I like this too la! Damn vintage and rugged look lor. Slim too.

Seriously almost went on a Fossil Spree man. Lucky thing I was disciplined enough to stop myself from buying their watch even though I hardly, actually don't, have the habit of wearing a watch.

I think I have had enough of spending. Better refrain myself from going on more window shopping, afraid that my 'to-buy' list will keep getting longer.

Just get rid of my Paragon shopping voucher and that's it!

Will just end here with photos of my nice and cozy room after the renovation though it has been like 5 months after completion. Spring cleaned it a week or two ago so thought it would be a good chance for me to take a picture of it. Don't envy hor. Keke.

I LOVE MY LOUNGE CHAIR!

Ringxiety

2007-10-12T15:02:00.000+08:00

Read it here.

I believe many of us have experienced this before, thinking that your phone is ringing or that you felt the vibration coming from your phone whether it is in the pockets of your pants, on your work desk or wherever else you could have left your phone.

Quite scary when it seems like you are dangerously going psychotic all because of an electronic device. Rather stupid too.

Gotta admit that I have such habit of checking my phone once in a while hoping that something is there waiting for me. Especially when my phone is on silent mode, not hoping to miss out anything "important". Sad but true, you have to agree with me that everyone is too obsessed with, and dependent on their mobiles.

I would actually like the idea of being disconnected from the rest of the world for a while, get in touch with nature more and less of such technology stuff like the internet. Chill and enjoy the simple things in life would be as wonderful.

Making sure that my mobile is not fully charged to last me throughout the weekend is a good way to start.

Speaking of mother nature and the simple things in life, one of my colleagues went Indonesia alone to backpack and came back with quite a couple of photos. It is quite refreshing to go for such trips to leave the city life for a few days, take some time off to unwind and recharge yourself.

Plan to join him on his next trip which probably would be year end. I am sure that wouldnt cost me a bomb.

Maybe not even half of the HK trip I made a few months back.

Expectations. Does it matter?

2007-10-12T11:43:00.000+08:00

It is not about you meeting my expectations.
It doesn't matter.

Yes, to me but at least not to you.
So it doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter if it doesn't affect you.
It wouldnt be, and it isn't your problem.
It's mine.

What matters is whatever that pleases you.
Watever satisfies you.
Right?
If you are self-centered enough.

Dont like the idea of making people's life miserable.
I wouldnt even try to.
I don't FORCE.
Never liked the idea of forcing people to do something against their own will.

Just give what you can afford to give.
Or what, how much of your time and effort you think I am worth.

Not so much that would leave me asking for more.
Especially when you know you don't have the ability to fulfill.

It is actually a very small and simple request I ask for and you think it's too much for you to handle already.

I can't blame you for being too career-minded or that you cared more for your family and other friends.
I like you for being that.
Being attractively
Serious. Humourous. Intelligent. Doing things with PASSION.
I enjoy your company very much.
I llike the way you make me feel.
You simply have a way with women.
Not exactly a very good thing I suppose.

The problem is that I don't even know what relationship we are in.
I am confused by the illusion given to me.

Afraid to ask because I don't wish to make a fool out of myself.
Allow you to laugh at me for being naive.

But I was really curious to know exactly where I stand.

So eventually it seems that it is all a one-sided thing.
After flaring up and testing you out.
Thought you should at least know how I feel.
Which you didn't seem to care much about.
And that explains all the weird things you got from me.

Don't think I was in any position to demand anything from you.
Overestimated myself.

Sorry that I get too serious at times.
I don't wish to live in a fantasy world.
For I fear for this little fragile heart of mine when reality hits.

Guess this is an adult thing.
Responsible for your own actions and face whatever consequence that comes along.
Caution is the key.
It's not a game for the weak hearted.

It is really comforting to listen to the song " I Will Survive".
How dramatic.
Over dramatized for my case but listen to the lyrics carefully and you will know for yourself if it really helps.

So beautiful it makes you wanna cry

2007-10-10T01:18:00.000+08:00

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

Lyrics of Avril's Innocence.

Anyway, ever been overwhelmed by the unbelievable beauty of something/someone?

No?

Learn to appreciate and you will see the beauty that lies within.

RELEASE . RELIEVE . REPRIEVE

2007-10-08T01:10:00.000+08:00

My HappyHour goes like this:
Daily dose of sunshine/blue skies strictly on Mondays to Fridays, 10am - 10pm.

Off HH/Saturdays & Sundays? Come what may. I am have no control or whatsoever. Or do I? o.0

BELIEVE and you will have the power to do anything. (woooo...)

Bleah. Just go with the flow~

No more self-pity. No more negativity.

Getting through the days without the usual routine you are so used to gets easier as the memory weakens and deteriorates, even when the "routine" was only a couple of weeks' period.

True even more for you. Problem for me is that dont know why I have damn good memory. Keeps replaying and rewinding itself.

Most probably the memory/storage space up in there hasnt been made good use of and is still very much sufficient for redundant stuff.

Any auto functions for clearing old archives? Desperately in need of that.

Get Real

2007-10-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

Get too caught up in what your fantasy life could be, and you will miss out on some important information that pertains to your real life.

Remember. Temper your zeal with a healthy dose of REALISM.

Be practical.

Would you choose someone who could provide you with physical needs or emotional needs? That will have to depend on what your moral values are and your objective.

I would choose to keep a distance from people who would go with the first before I get too emotionally attached.

It is a sooner or later thing, so why not sooner before you hurt yourself even more?

Burn. Burn. Let it BURN!

2007-10-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

I have never believed in building bridges. I would rather trash things out when it seems to be the last chance for me and let it burn.

For what I give a damn still?

Low EQ so? I am just being totally upfront, though my straightforwardness may seem to be a little rude sometimes. At least unlike some insensitive people who do not know when is the right time to be frank with someone else.

Who knows, it might deliver some unexpected or even positive results?

Conversations with the other self

2007-10-01T23:57:00.000+08:00

Thank you very much, I pretty much enjoy having conversations with myself. It had not been made possible without you prompting me the same questions every day, and receiving no reply at the end of it.

I dont expect any further development with these non relationship-building contributions made by both parties.

I definitely deserve something better, even if you might think otherwise. You dont judge me what I am worth just like that.

Going ahead with my best remedy ever... SLEEP that is.

That 24-hr best friend

2007-09-30T17:59:00.000+08:00

Read this article in The Sunday Times earlier this month and thought it would be nice to share it over here since my friend happened to send me a softcopy of it he obtained online. It's quite a good article.

Sep 9, 2007

A woman needs a man

I've come to the realisation that a woman isn't complete unless she has a partner

By Sumiko Tan

I NEVER thought I'd say this, but here goes: A woman needs a man to be complete.

Recently, a reader mentioned how she was feeling the pressure to get married. And she's not even 30.

I wrote back to her: 'Don't let anyone pressure you into marriage, although speaking from someone who's 43, single, and looking back at my own life, if you do find a soul mate and marriage is a possibility, do grab it.

'Singlehood has its many advantages, but to be able to share a life with someone who loves you and whom you love, well, that's a happy position to be in.'

My, how the tide has turned.

For ever so long, I've been anti-marriage. Well, 'anti' is too strong a word, but I've always felt that the institution of marriage was overrated.

Perhaps it was from seeing so many people emerge broken and bruised from bad marriages. Or it could be because I grew up in a home where domestic peace was rare (although you'd think that I'd have long stopped using childhood trauma as a crutch for anything that's wrong in my adult life).

Or maybe it was a defence mechanism, given I've yet to find a man worth marrying, or whom I liked enough and who'd marry me - you know, two people so deeply connected they are willing to become stakeholders in each other's lives.

In any case, I've never bought into that whole white wedding thing. (Babies, yes, for a while, but not marriage.)

Except for a brief and regrettable period in my early 20s, I've never wasted brain cells on the treacly trimmings that others dream about when they plan their Big Day. (Raffles or the Ritz-Carlton? Pachelbel's Canon in D or Etta James' At Last? Ten-course Chinese dinner or five-course Western lunch?)

Singapore women, I've always felt, should avoid being overly dependent on men. Don't go spoiling them (or peeling prawns for them). It's more important to be happy with ourselves and to work on being self-sufficient, self-aware, self-confident and all those other fierce I-am-woman-hear-me-roar slogans.

What has caused my change of heart?

Is age - shudder - catching up with me?

THE thing I have come to dislike most about being single is attending 'couples' events.

They include concerts and plays where you're the only one invited without a 'partner' because the organisers know that, too bad, you don't have one.
And dinner parties which you bravely attend alone only to suffer tiresome couples who seem to enjoy flaunting their twosome status to singletons the whole evening.

At lunch one weekend, I saw a stomach-churning display.

A good-looking couple with baby in pram were out having a meal - well, good for them. But they kept making goo-goo eyes at each other and couldn't stop smiling. When the food came, they said grace, then actually kissed each other delightedly on the lips before turning to their meal. He then proceeded to feed her from his dish using his fork. Oh please.

My lunch companion consoled me: 'They've probably been married for just over a year, lah. It'll fade.'

And then there's going by your single self to watch movies and the cashier kindly offering you that 'single' seat at the back of the hall, segregated for wheelchair-bound people and lonely, solitary folk like you (for your information, that's seats K2 in GV Grand's hall 4 and J18 in hall 5).

Such a relentless onslaught of this singling out of singletons is enough to make even the most self-assured of independent women lose their self-esteem when, really, they should be cherishing their freedom.

BUT the inescapable truth - one that I've finally allowed myself to acknowledge - is this: Life is really much nicer when you have someone to share it with.

As an unmarried friend in his 50s puts it: 'A partner is paramount when you're older. Having regular lunches with old schoolmates is certainly not enough. The isolation can be painful.'

I'm not even talking marriage and husbands here but just the idea of having a 'mate' - yes, that frankly rather childish concept of a 'boyfriend' - in your life.

When there's someone to love, and who loves you back, isn't life so much sweeter?

A colleague who married at the relatively late age of 35 says that she's slowly realising why marriage is such a good idea.

'It really is like having a 24-hour best friend,' she says.

'Wake up together, go to work together, come home to someone to complain to, have hobbies together, go to sleep together. Ultimately, marriage is not about sex, financial security or even kids. It's about companionship and having a 24-hour friend who makes life easier most of the time.'

I suppose you could argue that companionship and fulfilment needn't necessarily be from, and with, a man.

Surely what we all hunger for is just someone or something to love, and from which we get some feelings of love and appreciation back, and must this be in the form of only a husband or boyfriend? Can't it also be from a parent, sibling or child? From a pet, even, or an exciting career?

But, oh, who are we kidding? Let's be honest. Nothing beats the frisson of commanding the time and attention of someone from the opposite sex whom you fancy and who fancies you. After all, humans are hardwired to mate.

No amount of cake and coffee with your girlfriends (sorry, girls, but you do know what I mean), or a pet dog's unconditional love, can give a woman the same happiness as when she is in the company of the man she adores and who loves her back.

The caveat, of course, is that he isn't a prince you kissed who turns out to be a frog, but someone who's kind, decent and sweet and who watches out for you.

It does involve risk and taking a leap of faith in your ability to read people.

After all, many a match starts off well but descends into hell. And hell needn't be about fights and acts of meanness. It can be plain boredom - that trapped feeling when you sit down for a meal with a supposed loved one and discover you have absolutely nothing left to say to each other anymore.

So, yes, the life of a woman will be complemented and enhanced by the right male companion.

But as my colleague also said, she'd rather be single and alone than to be married and miserable - and there are an awful lot of unhappy 'happy couples' out there.

For her, though, it really is a case of finding the right partner.

If only we were all so lucky.

Amazing weekend with amazing people

2007-09-17T09:59:00.000+08:00

Simple but fulfilling weekend.

It is always a fun time with the attica gang. Bumped into Brandon and Fion at Play (with other ex-Attica staffs working around) when Timo and I decided to head down from Paulaner's to find Kelvin. Next stop was a KTV pub with B&F before going back to Play again. I supposed Timo was drunk again to have left first. Almost got picked by one of the "les" there too. Quite familiar looking, damn i should have played along! Wanted to continue with our "conversation" and I thought she would, but she and her friends left after awhile. ={

Visited Attica again after close to 2 years with B&F (and it always seem that someone is trying to exclude me somehow. Oh girls... *roll eyes*). Left with someone else not long after cause the place is so not for me.

The only feeling that someone like that could give me is very hard to come by. Even if it is all a lie I wouldn't mind believing in it this time.

Mr. Devoted

2007-09-13T11:00:00.000+08:00

A simple but very sweet love song that has been stuck in my head for a couple of days now.

Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Another song would be Britney's latest Gimme More. Though I am not a big fan of hers, and kinda "anti" her for all headlines she had created for herself, I still pretty much enjoy her dance tracks. And the recent hoo-ha about her performance at the VAM. I have yet to watch it online actually. Poor girl, just give her a break! Anyway, why is she giving them a chance to mock at her? Especially after the 'Kevin break-up' where she would be targeted at for no apparent reasons.

Blah! Who gives a damn bout the celebs... Heck! They had their chance and they should know that luck would not always be on their side.

The Great Escape by Boy Likes Girl is another one. Nelly's and Nelly Furtado's and Justin Timberlake and Timberland and Rihanna and Linkin Park and... ...

Know what it says? TIME TO HIT THE CLUBS!

And speaking of Linkin Park, they will be here again on 13th Nov! Everyone is so not into concerts. I could very well purchase my own ticket and attend it alone, or get their concert DVDs to entertain myself instead. ={

Li.di.ya ≠ rock concerts?

2007-09-09T00:13:00.001+08:00

No one associates me with rock concerts?

WRONG!

I may not be the DJ Rosleen from 98.7fm (of course she was there too) but I pretty much enjoy rock music. Any kind of music to be exact. And if you are fun enough I may be able to jump around like an Energizer Bunny.

Funeral For A Friend small scale concert tonight at the Glass Pavilion was a BLAST! Sponsored by Samsung Fun Club. Though it was the same situation as the Jet's concert earlier on this year, not knowing any of their songs, could somehow relate to them however. Tell me, how different are rock songs?

It was a riot at the ground floor man, while I was "chilling" at the balcony. Guys pushing one another, getting the kick of it in a way or another. Probably it is a norm at rock concerts but it was a first time for me. Like hmm, in Singapore? But it was fun watching them. Happening eh. Anyway, most of them were Ah Mats and Ang Mos.

No photos nor videos this time but its alright. Being there at the event alone was good enough.

Thought they are new kids on the block but it seems that they have been playing for about five years. Should be looking out for their mp3s, but their album would definitely worth the money if I were to get it.

Now, whose rock concert would be next? Linkin Park? Chemical Romance? FFAF again?

By the way, we were late for the concert cause of dinner buffet at Kushin-bo (and I was an hr late for the meet up!) ={ Not too bad at all, but no way am I going to go for another buffet ever again. You tend to overeat since there are a wide variety of food. Kiasu, watever. Though this is my second time saying this, I thought I should at least try their buffet once since a number of people have given thumbs up for the food.

Afterwhich had to pick up Cufflinks for Happy's Shaun from Raoul and a birthday card for him.

Dropped by Timbre at the Art House after the concert before Timo heads for Shaun's birthday celebration at Kandi Bar. Happened to bump into an ex-colleage (who is actually quite cute, and her sister a total babe) from Villa Bali working there, but I suppose he did not recognise me since I appeared to be a 'kuku' woman smiling to herself when he just looked back blankly at me.

By the way, tried their Shrek 3 and it was a total disaster. Wine+champange+orange juice and dunno what others. Did not manage to continue after a few sips. No harm trying something new.

One (maybe the only) good reason to make me leave Singlehood

2007-09-08T12:12:00.000+08:00

"Knowing you have a good chance of living together in relative harmony for a sustained period in the future." - Quoted from one of my regular blog reads. And this girl is so happily in love. oohhh...

Some would ask me what are the things I see in a boyfriend.

Such things are unexplainable and I would never know until I have met one I think is incredible, makes my imagination run wild and desire for an intimate session with him. I need a REAL man. Whatever the age is. With the exception of wrinkly old men. Loaded or not loaded.

It is more of a feeling and the connection between the both of us. Therefore usually I am unable to answer such "chim" question they post to me.

I would rather remain single and probably live my whole life as a nun than going with whichever guy that comes along. Too conservative maybe. Then again. You will never know until you give it a try right?

Many times due to the fact that I am pretty much of a shy person, I backed off even if I have interest in that particular guy and aware that he likes me too. It is so difficult for me to keep off guard, put everything aside and trust someone (especially a guy) wholeheartedly.

Not in this present society. Not when everyone's expectations are so sky high and the hearts are so fickle.

But I could say that I did. Only once so far. That was his only precious chance, but he simply gave it away.

Fossil Spree!

2007-09-07T10:35:00.000+08:00

Omg... I am damn tempted to go on a Fossil shopping spree.

Love their rugged, vintage? kinda style. My kinda style. hehe...

Almost bought this pair of flip flop cause not only are the colours pretty enough to make me get it, it goes very well with my orange painted toe nails!

However that was before I got this Lacoste pair in Hong Kong, one of my favourite buys from there though it was way over my budget. It looks durable enough though so it better last me longer than the rest of the cheaper pairs that have worn out.

Cool isn't it? Look at that luminous orange, just the way I like it! Love it! Doubt I can find it here in Singapore.

This pair I found online looks pretty too.

Gosh... think I am going to start the online-shopping craze like my colleagues soon. *Glup* Keeping my fingers crossed.

Back to the Fossil bags.

Been looking for a mini handbag cause my clutches aren't big enough to carry more stuff, like a bottle of water. Therefore I am actually waiting for their new patchwork designs to be out, currently not much in stores. Unless.... order it online!

Eyeing on this other clutch which is also some sort of a patchwork. And the black looks cool and chic. But it is like $100+ just for that! It also comes in a shoulder bag at $200+! What a killer! And you only get a 10% discount with some DBS credit card. ={

Will check it out again another time.

In the meantime, any sponsors?

Me against the world

2007-09-05T10:36:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be tough but I will survive.

And recently I got to know a new friend who mesmerizes me with his intelligence (and success). So damn attractive!

I can't be a dumb bitch forever!

I don't want to meet "good-for-nothings" only!

Everything wears off after sometime. Used to it but so sick and tired of it. Everything I have built or trying to build just falls apart eventually. Someone just has to step in and wreck it. And every single time it is back to the start.

If you have gone through the same you would understand how it feels.

Damn the government doctors

2007-08-23T12:32:00.000+08:00

...earning big bucks just by tending to a couple of patients per day.

Visited the dentist some time back and damn it was expensive. Consulted a specialist (ok my fault, needed a thorough check what after so long, like a year or 2?) and gotten a few GOLDEN words from her in return for the effort.

"You probably have a Dry Mouth problem."

That's it? I was expecting her to do some tests on me which I had seen on television.

So she cleaned up a little, no polishing even cause "no stains". That wasn't what I saw though, but alright, you are the expert. At least there were no decay or other problems detected. The consultation ended after handling me some consumables, which I gladly took 3 packets of since I thought they were plainly some "samples". In other words, I thought it was FREE. Forgive me, not that I am a 'kiasu' aunty who would queue up for free stuffs but is that I hardly visit the doctor, moreover, the bill was kinda high enough and I had to fork out another 9 bucks for the consumables still!? So not acceptable.

Each ziplock bag consists of toothpaste, mouthwash, gum and some disgusting gel to put in your mouth. They somehow contain a type of enzyme that aids in the production of saliva which I find it somehow effective (for the next hour) in helping me salivate and fight my Dry Mouth problem.

So, the bill adds up to about 130 bucks which I 'lan lan', no choice, had to pay. At least now I can assure myself I am gum-disease-free, no longer have to bother going for any specialist visit and start taking a "queue number" for my next dental visit at the polyclinic.

Sending in the receipt to HR for my pathetic $30 claim. Now tell me how contributive is that?

Sure sure, better than none. =[

What's your Fat-Dish?

2007-08-11T01:07:00.000+08:00

Gay guy!

Whats the big fuss? I think I myself am a guy stuck in a female body. Thats why normal guys dont like the 'garang' me and gay guys dont like the female-looking me. They are total upfront. Macho. Total respect man. Except to those attention seekers, act-alikes. They suck big time!

oo.. and I totally like to do the chasing part. Only those I fancy. But I always fail in this area. (Ok maybe I dont actually "chase" but drop a few hints only.) So once you get the hint that I am not into you, please automatically disappear and stop all the disgusting act. Total turn-off.

I am so tired of restraining myself. Living with all those stupid philosophies that no one gives a damn about but me.

Actually. Not quite.

Waiting to meet some down-to-earth person who is worth my time and energy. Obviously it wasnt the assholes that I have met so far. However, just whenever I thought I have met one, it eventually wasnt meant to be.

You know... I am quite a funny and crappy person. But somehow becomes the boring Jane when I am being too hard on myself for no apparent reasons. And thats hard for people to know ME.

I havent been doing this horoscope quote thingy for a long time. But when I saw this today, I decided to paste it here.

Circumstances beyond your control have thrown you into the middle of a powerstruggle today -- but that doesn't mean you have to acknowledge it or feed into it. Just keep doing your thing, minding your own business, and letting the warring parties fight it out without you. Don't play along, and don't rearrange your schedule for anyone or anything -- would they do the same for you? Or have you noticed that the people who always expect your help are never around when you need some?

This is like always the case for me.

But its ok.

I will live even better alone than to live with people like such.

But I will still have to say that it is a privilege to be able to give and provide.

The problem with most of us is that we never learned to take time to listen. We spent to much on exercising our mouths that we forgot.

"We had learnt to speak when we were 2 years old, but some of us had never learnt the art of listening, not even till we grow 60."

O yes, that cutie is totally gone for good. Simply disappeared from the surface of (my) earth. Good luck to him wherever he goes man!

From a reliable source

2007-08-07T10:14:00.000+08:00

Heard that the cute guy will be leaving soon. *Saded* Nothing for me to look forward to already. Anyway, he hasnt been coming up lately. *More Saded* Bleah.

I wanna leave too!

Not that my job is really that sucky. My supervisor and the girls brighten up my everyday. Just that I hate admin + desk bound jobs and I want something more challenging.

Been thinking lately about doing marketing in the future. Selling not included please. At least not those misinterpreted "Sales & Marketing" positions (where they could have just advertised for a sales person) or too commision based sort. Maybe slightly similar to what I wanna do but studying Mass Comm might be an even closer match. But a Mass Comm student is always outspoken. ={ Aleast someone who speaks and writes very well. Gotta keep a lookout see anywhere offers a degree for that.

Sent out about 2 resumes to event companies or wat already but I doubt I would receive any reply from them... Everyone wants someone with related background. No tini weeni bit chance for me man.

"Nobody wants me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some worms!..." Is that how it goes?

Speaking of studying, think my sister has decided to go study abroad in Australia early next year. Actually she had mentioned that she isnt really into engineering and I wanted to talk to her about her decision, but decided not to burst her bubble ultimately. At least I know if she put in a little of effort, she will be able to excel in whatever she does, so its alright. She will still benefit.

She is so different from me. I dream alot, I think alot. But nothing gained eventually. Always 'ban tu er fei'. At this point of time still a little aimless.

"Without PASSION, there is no DRIVE. Without FOCUS, there is no DIRECTION."

This is a little made-up by me, and is "based on a true story". Please do not violate the Copyright issues huh...

Long awaited break... FINALLY!

2007-07-27T10:08:00.000+08:00

Will be out of town, update again when I am back. That is if I am not lazy. Hopefully it will be a FRUITFUL trip. hehe. Cya in about a week's time. Tata...

Time for the big letter D again...

2007-07-20T00:26:00.000+08:00

Really damn sick of this thing going on for days. I would really like to settle this once and for all. Hate repeating myself over and over again to knock some sense into their thick skull.

But not now. Cant. Immpossible. Totally helpless.

Already suffering from sleep-deficiency and total exhaustion from work, class and tuition still cant even give me a piece of mind. Think being kinda stressed out right now with the frequent breakouts for the past few days.

I am not at anyone's mercy alright, but I keep getting these shit from people. Get this straight. I owe everyone nothing and I worship no one. I get pissed whenever they act as though its a matter of course or that I am a desperado. At least that was what they made me look like. Overestimated themselves.
For those girls: Please go find that dumb slave-cum-cabbagehead-bf of yours and dont bother me la.
And the 'chee hong kias': Go continue your skirt-chasing race and whatever you think matters most for all I care.

Oh well, forgive this sleep-deprived girl man... her PMS is due to be over soon.

Actually, it's waaayyyy overdued man...

Insomnia..........Insomnia.......... - Faithless

JOSEPH

2007-07-18T14:03:00.000+08:00

... and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

Seriously, how long do you have to wait to catch a good musical play? Years perhaps. I would say this is one of the best musicals that is as spectacular as "Mamma Mia".

I actually had the chance to catch this musical quite a few years back when my dad brought me and my sister to catch it at the Kallang Theater. Or was it the Singapore Concert Hall or some sort that is somewhere at the Tanjong Pagar area? I didnt quite understand why my dad would bring us to such since we were only in primary school, and not that my dad is those sort who would actually know how to appreciate this kind of thing. =X But I guess I should be quite fortunate to have such exposure in my early years.

Though was still young and somehow ignorant, I was blown away by the music, drama, and probably by the colourful coat too. ha. And the lead character looked almost like this current guy. Hmm... mayb coz of the curls that they both share. =/ And I have the soundtrack actually... just lying somewhere in the house. I should go dig it out and listen to it some time soon.

Happened to come across this site while surfing Yahoo! to know about this replay of the musical. Do check it out here. They have some sneak previews and music demos if you are interested. Or you could find out more about it at the official website here.

If Singapore is one of their pit stop, I guarantee this is one superb musical you shouldnt miss!

I would if I could

2007-07-01T18:14:00.000+08:00

If I have the ability to move out on my own, I would.

I have always thought of myself to be an independent individual. However, after stepping out into the working society, I think mentally I am prepared, but financially, I am not ready.

What I can do now is kick my spending habits and find another alternative source of income.

The next best thing that could happen to me is getting selected at the upcoming SIA interview cause there is absolutely nothing worth for me to stay for in Singapore.

'Sua ku' but cool discovery

2007-06-30T21:59:00.000+08:00

Last wed June and I decided to explore and check out the Club Street area before going for dinner at Chinatown after work. It was just the lane somewhere behind our office so like why not? Have heard so much bout it and its quite 'sua ku' if I know nothing bout the place.

It is almost similar to Haji Lane at Bugis but slighty more happening? Quite alot of retail shops that are like those of Haji Lane, rather pricey with those designer/street labels stuff. Many eating/chilling places that are rather nice to hang out after work.

Our first cool discovery is this place which covers all the five floors of one part of the shophouses. We were actually given an introduction and tour by one of the friendly staff there, probably the manager. The place had just opened not long and will have its official opening in 2 weeks time. Was trying to hint the guy for invites actually but failed. ha. Guess it is only open to the media and stuff...

1st floor: Restaurant. Not too big of an area but cozy and comfortable enough kind of space.
2nd floor: Studio (if I am not wrong). Fully equipped with whatever a director/movie maker-wannabe needs. This is like the most totally cool part...
3nd: Screening room. Which showcases a number of international films for example u can catch Infernal Affairs etc... Or you could even bring your own disc. Quite a small and cozy private room with a few comfy plush sofas, good enough to go with a date or hold corporate events. (ooh.. it would be damn nice if I could go with my boyfriend, that is if I can find one SOON.) However, there is a price of $20 to pay for each person. And I understand it is quite hard to pay so much for a movie that does not even include a drink, but trust me, it is comparable to the GV Gold Class theater. You can get a package price if you need to book the whole room for yourself. There is bar right outside the room for you to get drinks from, and it has 2 small tvs there so you wouldnt have to miss any part of the show if you have to use your mobile or something.
Rooftop: Alfresco bar. Ok I cant remember what happened to the 4th floor, probably more screening rooms? This is like a much smaller version of Loof but does not have the kind of scenery up there.

The next cool place is where I have been wanting to check out, a classy hotel actually. Scarlet! thats right! I must make sure my future boyfriend brings me there next time! The place is so damn sexy and romantic for dates la! I could just imagine how perfect the place would be... but it will be better if I could experience it with my other half. Simply love the rooftop dining area. I love open spaces alot. They have another more classy restaurant on the 2nd floor though. 1st floor will be the bar which has couches that are so damn tall, plushy and classy looking that all girls would love without fail. They really did a good job on the decos. Everywhere is simply beautiful. Even in the lift and toilet! I am sure the rooms are even better. We caught this really cute and jap-looking guy in the lift while we were trying to get back to the first floor. So anime-looking guy la if you can picture that. Afterwhich we went to check out the toilet. So typical right! Do what? Take photos of course! Well... we attempted to take photos of ourselves in the mirror for a couple of times but we failed. Either we were too tiny, cant angle the cam or it came out blur. So I am just left with this one below:

So fairytale-like rite?

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of us both?"

That was our last stop and we went for dinner at Maxwell Food Centre. That was not the end of our day though. Went walking around for awhile and chatted quite a bit after that before heading home.

I love that. Chilling out and stuff. I really wish that my friends would have more time to spend with me. Somehow they are drawing further away from me. But I do understand that everyone of them have their own lives, work, their own friends and colleagues to be busy with. I have been trying really hard to mantain our relationship but there is a limit and I am getting tired of this. Getting tired of waiting for them to make things happen for me. But actually, I know that IT'S ME WHO IS GONNA MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! I recently came across this quote:

"Don't let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in their life."

Which I try not to. Why should I put them on top of my list when I am just at the bottom of theirs? I thought that I should show more concern to them besides sincerity, which I think no one gives a damn about. Still, I was wrong. Only if you could gossip with them enough, amuse them enough then they consider you a friend. That is such a difficult task for me. Here goes my gumbling again... Yea, and there is this other "Branda" again in the office, who are like ever so eager to talk about herself and make her presence know. Never have the time to listen or allow someone speak (yea thats me... again). You know what she makes me do only? Roll my eyes. Some people just talk so shallow...

... I am just waiting for the perfect guy to dominate my world only.

.................................................

Last thing, I have to mention this sucky hairsalon and hairdresser I went to near my work place, Lala Salon. La ge pi! Expensive and the hairdresser is so inexperienced. Not only did I tell him what style I wanted I even showed him the picture la! And he still needed me to direct him. Sorry, but who is the expert here man? And I had to go back the next day to let him trim the uneven part. Luckily I work that area man. Even when i had pointed out that uneven part from the start when he started to trim, and repeating constantly for 3 times. I blew my top and told him to stop scratching my scalp with his nails. He did that for a period of almost 10 seconds while trying to act professional! Nevermind if he was done wth the trimming but after snipping off qite a bit of hair i still saw the bunch of hair sticking out the bottom of my left hand side. How could I keep my cool still with that kind of pain I had to endure without him doing the simple job I wanted him to do. It only had to take the most 2 mins top. It was also the the longest haircut of my life. About an hour minus the washing part. I felt my blood rushing up my head and my face turned red almost immediate when I asked him to stop his shit. Think it did scare him a bit. That is the whole point right? So that he could do get on with the job and let me leave that fucking place. Thank god no more nonsense already and eventually he trimmed it off. What the hell was he thinking when I keep pointing it out in the mirror and holding the hair that was needed for him to cut? I think he is simply a failure. U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-N-D W-A-T I A-M T-R-Y-I-N-G T-O S-A-Y Y-O-U S-T-U-P-I-D M-A-L-A-Y-S-I-A-N?

Going back there again is definitely a NO! If I wasnt as desperate for a haircut that day and put some efoort to travel a little, I would have gone to Fareast or Chapter2 for the haircut which would actually be much cheaper and definitely worth it. Cant imagine I had to take all the shit for the fact that I had to pay 32 bucks for it!

Yea my hair is short again...

... and I will be trying out for the 2nd time at the SIA interview with this hairstyle. =/ Well, not that bad, quite chic too... =}

Jet Shine On '07

2007-06-19T23:56:00.000+08:00

Had a great night at Jet's concert this evening. However, I think that it could have been better if I had been a fan of theirs. What I could only do was to wait patiently for these two songs to be performed: Look What You've Done and Are You Gonna Be My Girl. But overall it was a good performance put up by the band. THEY ROCK MAN! The band Firebrands who performed before the start of the concert (reminds me of Ayam Brand), local if I am not wrong, was very entertaining too.

And just now there was this incident where an 'Ang Mo' guy who was wearing an old fashioned, extremely black sunglasses put his arm around my shoulders. I was like "whose hand is that?" Not too bad looking... but he ran away shortly after I had turned to look at him. Boo... gone just like tt. Harry Porter lookalike was also spotted and he was like so cute la! Basically, there were quite a large number of 'Ang Mos' present. Quite a number of them are cute too... hehe...

Anyways, in case you want to get a feel of tonight's party, I have included the two videos I had taken below. Enjoy!

Look What You've Done

Are You Gonna Be My Girl

Rock my world, JET!

2007-06-19T11:58:00.000+08:00

Going for Jet's Shine On cooncert at Fort Canning tonight after work all thanks to "my sponsor" Nokia.

Tried my luck on their online quiz last week and I just won a pair of tickets! As simple as that!

Damn. It did not occur to me that I should bring along my sister's camera until June mentioned it to me. Gotta pray hard that my hp will be good enough to take some decent pictures. =}

This is basically how my life is for now.

2007-06-16T20:50:00.000+08:00

Hey hey... it has been a long time if you have realised. And I am back for good!

Last week was my first week of work at EurekaHedge, and boy do I love my job. Cant believe I would say this actually cause I fear that it would be like any of my other part time jobs - quit shortly after a few months. Though I cant really stand doing desk-bound jobs, I really like working there with those people. My department people are great, especially my supervisor.
-Casual wear everyday of the week (not for my first week though. How can I not dress up a little after all the shopping I have done?)
-Flexible lunchtime

Basically it is quite a relax, slack, own-pace kind of environment. Moreover the pay is quite acceptable for a fresh diploma holder like me. And I do really thank God (ok I am not really a very religious kind of person) for landing me this job even though I had 3 months to slack around. Not forgetting I was doing part time for a few jobs during that period. Otherwise I couldnt have survived with the kind of spending habits I have.

Oh, and thank God there is an eye candy in the office. At least I have something to look forward to everyday when I go to work. However, I dont see him much cause I am actually stranded on the 2nd floor of the office. ={ What more to even TALK to him. I was thinking to myself like whats the point, definitely no chance for me. I have never ever belonged to this group of good looking people. I am actually not really into these high egoistic kind of people but he seems decent and down-to-earth enough. Or at least thats my impression of him for now. Just when tt happens, he came up to the 2nd floor get his laptop for his overseas trip. (Happened to find that out fom the receptionist. And I really envy those sales persons. Not only high salary they draw but also the chance to travel overseas. That reminds me of my SIA dream. =/) And he actually stopped by at my desk for a minute or two to read Today papers. For that few seconds I couldnt really concentrate on what I was doing. Slightly too conscious of my every move. No words exchanged again, except this time round its "this is today's" and "thanks". I was almost too shocked, too dazed from staring at pc for long periods to say something. Say... some pickup line? haha. The same goes when the water dispenser at the pantry downstairs had disfunctioned. I am the first person to see when anyone actually comes up to the 2nd floor, which I did not have any time to react when he asked me for my floor's dispenser and I had my earphone's plugs on. I was hoping that they wouldnt replace the one downstairs that soon but it wasnt what I had expected the following Monday. Oh gosh, could you just grant me another chance to talk to him? or get to know him better? However I do agree that sometimes its better to let someone see you from afar, leaving a good impression, rather than seeing all your flaws up close. Which of course nothing will eventually happen in this case. =/

I know I sound a bit psychotic but I think this phrase will wear out after some time so bear with me for now. And bout the thing that I heard he is gay, I really dont want to think too much about it. But that would really keep him off my mind. I am quite fine with it although its like what a waste... really.

Get a life ya? I know... but the thing is that I dont! These are the little stupid things that will keep me busy for awhile.