The girl who cried wolf

Even if no one takes it for real, just remember I've tried calling out.


Maybe it's better that way, to not leave footprints like that girl.

But this is what they owe me.
This is the mistake they have made.
This is to tell you you're not alone.

I have left a wall post for her, but even now the page is gone. And think it goes like this...
"We may never be able to fully comprehend, but some of us do know what drives. And IMO, it is courage that you've shown."

And it is such courage I do not have. And as always, the 'bo chup' attitude - "I respect your decision".

In the midst of chaos, there is relieve (within our own discretion). - LZ

Seriously who gives a fuck about the others when it's taking its toll is on us, and only us. Shut up to those who talk so much without bothering to use their pea brain to analyze what goes on behind.

To a certain point, I would think it is stupidity especially if the cause is BGR. Just look at me, can't you tell that I am not that into those male species? I already have a useless one at home who have ruined a woman's life, marriage. And now mine. At least 1/3 of it. So it is now up to me to decide on how the rest of the 2/3 is going to be.

I don't see why I have to be the one to 'let you go in peace'. Who will be the one doing it for me in the future then? If that's how you are going to learn from your wrong doings on your death bed, so be it.

All you have to do is leave them to come to realization themselves. It is later or never. - LZ


Oh well, everyone has their own story to tell, and there is this particular one I can get inspirations from.


Not that I am getting all emo, or seeking for attention or pity. This is my form of short escape, getting across to you, if any is out there. And I surely seek to post something more positive. Nobody can love someone like this, isn't it? They always say you first got to love yourself before anyone can love you isn't it? But what I think is, it is better to self-indulge than not love yourself enough, wasting on people that isn't worth it.

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

I do pray for fairytales, though not putting my hopes up high. But I think I am too dark for such.


Just going with the flow...

First you amuse me. Then you thrill me. And last you bore me.

Don't make me feel like I've got the whole world in my hands only to take it away from me soon after.

The body has been sending weird signals

I am not at all curious as to know what is going on.

Probably at the back of the mind I do know what I should be expecting, but chicken to find out.


But seriously, as far as I am concerned, I feel that I don't need to know and absolutely don't care if anything is really going to happen.

Crazy little thing call love

Don't be mistaken, I have yet to have a change in status. "Yeah I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heat with somebody... with somebody who loves me". Probably cause of the high temperature of the weather lately, I am experiencing "hot flushes" already even before I hit menopause. lol.



Totally in the mood for love, just for now. And I am not going for those exhibitionist-styled.



Just met this young couple for tennis, and I say they have this 'fu qi lian'. The only time I felt myself in that situation was 5yrs ago. But surely I have moved on from there. They are in their late 20s so I am staying hopeful! Thats why I usually asks people in a relationship how/where they found their partner. i need tips man! Luck hasn't been on my side however, usually which I find myself attracted to (or finally able to make connection with) those either taken or ... he's just not that into me. I believe completely in karma so no cat fight for me. I wouldnt want to be someone who had wasted her youth on one man and later stolen by another in the future. =) (Although sometimes I do have the urge, for the sake of my happiness =x) But of course I have no control over that if it were to happen to me by some vicious woman and a heartless man.



Meanwhile, I shall for put more effort into my work. Like it that I am becoming more corporate minded. sort of. =B





And I have decided to contribute half of my salary towards having my own place, or rather sharing one with another friend, because I can no longer take anymore of those shit I have been getting and since I am unable to find someone to help me release from my misery. Tortured mentally and sometimes even physically, many times I have been thinking if only I am able to get myself a partner where I could run for shelter. I only blame myself that I am not any fitter to retaliate. I could only vent my frustration on non-living objects.



Mark those words that had came from my mouth as well as from the heart, because in time to come, you will find that it will all be happening so don't be too taken aback. And I am waiting for that day where it all comes true and when I am in more power and control. Its not incorrect...




[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]

Till then... Cheers towards Independence Day!

I don't blame her for becoming what she is now. I blame the one who brought this upon himself, as well as pulling us down with him. Why give yourself so much responsibilty when it's only so little you can handle? So selfish to dump them on us and made us the scapegoat, living the bachelorhood life and having the time of your life. You don't deserve ANYTHING from us, nor anyone else around. An absolute un-contributive living burden to us and society.

Lucky her to have found a place to shelter the storm. Poor me can only wait till the sun is up again. ... ...Till Independence Day!


Let us just see who gets the last laugh, we are just waiting to watch the tables get turned.

Things don't usually turn out the way they initially apeared to be

Not sure if i'm just sensitive with a wild imagination but I think I received some bad attitude when about to leave the office. Felt something was wrong already during work. Im not gonna elaborate cause I don't wish to appear like a bitch here complaining. Maybe I should feel partly responsible too.

He didn't get to witness what I had seen only. Of course, my PR skills are incomparable to any others. And some people just choose to see what they wanna see, think how they wanna think. That is why Im always on the lose-out end. I let my guard down too much and too easily. But guess not anymore. Better to draw a clear line.

I would very much appreciate people being honest with me and just tell whatever things to my face. I don't hide behind a mask, at least hardly, else you could still see thru me from the slightly cramped up face and occasional stutter. And I don't see why anyone else should.

I have been asking myself this alot: What kind of impression do I give people (friends or passer-bys, in terms of looks and everything else. I don't open up enough?). Cause they make me feel Im unlikeable. But I really don't think I deserve any "bitch-slap" I see myself getting at times. What I see in the mirror sometimes reflect something else. Another big problem is I always seem to attract the wrong kind of people and stuff. I may look ______ but im pretty much very down to earth kind of person.


Anyway, TGIF. I shall wear a solemn, don't-mess-with-me kind of face and attitude to work from now on.

By the way, simply got myself free buffet lunch for 4 at Timbre this Sun from Power98 Sebestian this evening by playing a "name the song" game on air. Caught me by total surprise. Was hoping the caller to be more of a job agent when he repeatedly told me his name and I was like "ok... huh?... where are you from?" Forgot i had smsed to enter the contest. Had no idea what the T&C for the prize were and just fired my sms right away. Thank godness it was easy-peasy. "Can't get you out of my head..."

An activities-filled month

Not that I was trying to make my 21st Bday any way more special or memorable, besides the usual pig out sessions, there were small events here and there, that made it slightly a more happening month.



The List (in order of events):



1. Alarming, but was kinda expected, discovery

Sometimes it really isn't about being too sensitive to make a big fuss out of something minor, or being able to see that things going exactly intuition



2. A short getaway for some sun-soaking-cum-swimming-with-the-fish-cum-the-simple-disconnected-life therapy



3. An evening of rock'n roll



4. The "big day" celebrations




[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]

Alright, the festivity period is over. Thanks for the long weekends/holidays but they did me nothing good.

Ever since christmas, my sleeping habit had became a mess. I dread every waking day when it urges me to send an sms to apply for leave. Half day would even be fine as long as I could sleep in a little longer. But eventually I thought it wouldn't make sense to waste my al on additional 2 hours of sleep, gotta save it for my next holiday trip.

A short getaway to a nearby island for some sun-soaking would be a good break for now. Or an adventure weekend trip with BOAC for some water rafting! Things have been quite stale in the office so need some perk-me-ups and keep my energy going. Just hope that this wouldn't be for long. May my application into university be successful.

...........
...........

Planned to continue this post with the many stuffs that are running in my head but I am too exhasted at the moment. Shall wait till tomorrow. Need some theraputic sleep first otherwise this would really be a sleepless night.

I know... he's such a waste of my emotions. Let this be the last time.

That dreadful time of the year

Well not quite for me. Frankly speaking, I dread Chinese New Year so much more than Valentines day




[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]

This is the last time

The last time I am going to write about you.

The last time I am going to recall this short period of ours.

Trying my best to be like you. To be heartless.



It is better to have loved and lost than not love at all. I wouldn't want to go with this saying. Cause I wouldn't bear to have my heart broken over again and again, left with such sweet memories only to share it with myself for the rest of my life. I did so much just to......




[left off as draft and here it is... until I find time to continue again. which probably I cant remember what I had wanted to say already.]